Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
