is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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