My cat gives me a boner
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
