wakey wakey hands off snakey
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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