We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
