theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Sober January is a disaster.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
