There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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