That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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