oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
