there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
