I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
