afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
