His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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