when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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