If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
