I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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