Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
