brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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