Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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