so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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