I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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