i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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