you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
