Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
