Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
