Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
