I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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