id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
