She said her name was "party"
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
