kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
