I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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