Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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