Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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