it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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