Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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