her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
