I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we're making bets on your personal life
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
