Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
