Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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