Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
