I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
