I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
