apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
