Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
