hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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