Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
