You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you had me at cake vodka
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
