He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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