If i come over, it means nothing
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
