Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
