I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
