I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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