Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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