Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
