I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
