I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
